Plateau-Good or bad thing?

What a difference a year makes…. It has been awhile since I last blogged. Probably because I hit a pretty unhappy plateau.. But was it really a plateau  that was a bad place to be? Or a plateau that has taught me more then I could have ever imagined.

Weight loss is hard. It isn’t easy. No matter what method you choose, there are going to be ups and downs. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to get derailed by the choices you make. You may even fall flat on your face. What I have learned over this year– It is the people that you surround yourself with, who will be there when you need help getting up. They will help you dust off, and remind you of what you wanted in the first place.

Today I walked the Colorado Rockies, Home Runs for the Homeless 5k. I love this walk because I get to go onto Coors field, where my Colorado Rockies play. I also get to hang out with Cindy (Sunshine) and Yvonne (Yvie). The two of them have walked this 5k with me since 2010 when I walked the first time. What I noticed that first year was that I was bigger in width then Dinger (the mascot of the Rockies). The second year.. I was a little smaller. This year—–It was clear.. Even though I hit the plateau, I was still losing inches and putting on muscle weight. That was due to a very determined trainer at 24Hour fitness. He realized I put aside my goals… He saw that I was falling apart… But, yet he never once gave up on me, and continued to push. He IS a good friend who is encouraging, supportive, and really listens to me. He lifted me up when I didn’t feel like I was worth my own time. He never let me quit. Matt Ellison is more than a trainer—He is someone who cares about people and wants to truly see them reach their goals.. I am so very blessed to have a moment of his time and am thankful that I was assigned this trainer.. I’m telling you, it was the lottery win of a lifetime.

http://www.24hourfitness.com/training/trainer_finder/337/matt_e.html

Cindy and Yvie—Wow—What can I say about these two ladies… In life we aren’t perfect. We make mistakes–Say the wrong things–Do the wrong things… True friends don’t judge, they listen.. They encourage.. They give you advice from the heart. No matter what choices I made.. They supported and continue to support me… As I stand to my feet again… It was the two of them who never once thought I fell… They stood close to me, protect me, and even are the sisters I wish I would have had growing up.. We three are so very different… But, we three are so there for each other.. I know I can count on them both–ANY time to be there for me.. Today, once again they walked side by side with me.. Encouraging me.. I know they walk faster than me–They walked with me… I am so blessed that I walked the 3Day in 2009.. I am SO blessed that I walked side by side with these two women.. They are not just friends, they are forever apart of my family.. I know I will be okay, and that I am back on track… Because they told me I am.

I can’t forget about a gent from work–He is a big brother.. When I was at my lowest, and falling apart–He didn’t seek me out–He waited for me to seek him out.. Knowing I was embarrassed by the choices I had made over the past year.. Rather than an I told you so. Even a discussion of a plateau–He went straight to get up and walk forward.. I got it now my friend–I’m not a match–Flickering in the wind–I am still the lady with bonfire inside–A desire to change the world–And me along the way.. I heard you!!!! I’ve got it–This year…

This year I also found something that was missing… James, when he confronted me about my weight…Asked me if I loved myself? Because he, the team of brokers and the manager loved me.. He also made sure I knew that God loved me. WHY would ANYONE love me?? James gave me the hope that people could see me.. More so, that people loved me–that God loved me. I regained my faith this year.. In God, for all things are possible.. I am loved, I can be loved, and I have been loved. This is the biggest gift I have ever received and I am continuing to explore all that it means. I do know that I am worth my time.. I am worth every dollar spent on a trainer (By the way, Matt is priceless).. I am worth every second that I spend walking.. Typing a blog.. Answering questions on facebook.. Talking to others about weight loss.. I am worth it… If you are reading this because you are struggling with your weight–You are worth the words!!! You are worth this time.. You are worth it to God… To those who love you, including yourself. Walk forward… Learn from the times you trip. The times you plateau, celebrate them as challenges.. Opportunities to learn and grow from the choices you are making.. I implore you, and encourage you to do better.. I’m back on track–Your turn!!

ACK–I am bigger than Dinger…

WOOHOO!! Dinger is bigger!

Blogging came in last place!

Hello All! 

     I just got reminded today of why it is so important for me to post. I know a lot of folks are following me, because they are in the same circumstance I was in.  Some in the same place I am in now.  God has given me a story to tell.  I’m on this amazing journey in life and I am working to finish for my health and  to get my life back. I want to answer a few emails that have been written to me over the last four weeks. I am doing it here, in case it reaches someone else who wants help or has the same questions. 

A question on dealing with my family stress and weight loss— 

   I know my story is something that helps people.  I have been honest along the way and I know you all want me to continue that.  The last few months have been very difficult on me.  My father was diagnosed with lung cancer.  The stress and frustration has been quite overwhelming. Stress is an awful thing when trying to lose weight.  The stress hormone your body puts out is called cortisol.  What it does basically is cause you to retain your fat for energy, and it makes you feel tired and worn out.  You just seem to struggle to lose weight. Yet you are super tired as well.  I have been there, but I am finding my strength through God.  He has given me so many friends that really believe in me and encourage me. When I falter, they seem to show up in usual ways. 

      I am lucky in that I hired (for just a few weeks  HA!!) my trainer Matt Ellison a few years ago who has not let me quit and is pushing me harder at the gym, rather then backing down.  I really believe that he has helped me to stay focused and on track, and I am so lucky to be able to work with him.  I can’t thank him enough for just being a solid friend and being there for me when I feel like I can’t take on anymore. Physically I am stronger then I have been in my entire life.  I surprise myself in the gym. I also surprise myself with the muscle tone. By the way–Matt is the answer to how I have been dealing with the stress.  A person who is being honest with me. Yet he is also pushing me to finish *MY* goals while I also continue to help with my father. 

A question on how bad really is the loose skin, does it frustrate and would I do it again–

     Though I know I am strong. Though I know I am losing weight.  The loose skin seems to get worse and worse week over week.  Month over month.  I can’t lie and say that it is alright, just a by product of success.  It is an awful reminder of where I once was.  I am completely frustrated by it.  Sometimes you’ll find me pulling on my neck skin, it is awful how much is there. You can see my clavical as my shoulders are so strong.  But you can also see the loose skin hanging on my neck. My arms are so much stronger now. Yet you see the skin hanging.  My legs are very well defined, and have thinned out so much.. But yet you see the skin hanging down.  My stomach–Oh buddy.. I really believe that the majority of the weight I have left to lose is right there.  I know I still have work to do.  I also know I am not as bad off as I was. Though the skin will have you believe I am still pretty big.  TALK about frustration. I just want it to fall off like in those commercials. So people can see the REAL me.  Not the one with skin hanging. It hurts me to see it, and feel judged for it. All I know is—-I wouldn’t change my journey. Not one step of it.  I understand who I am. I am the REAL me. Skin removal will not change that. The skin will be taken off through surgery in the future.  It is only temporary. But, the people who believe in me now, see me now, and get who I am now? They will be there when everything is said and done. They will see me help people and be forever apart of my journey. 

A Question on easier ways to lose weight–

     To lose weight you have to be patient, you have to understand your body can only give so much. It is SO frustrating because I want to move forward now and I would LOVE a quick fix. I want you all to learn the lesson that shines brightest in my life–the only thing that works is getting your head straight. Finding out WHY you allowed yourself to get so big? Why did you give up on you? Why do you constantly hurt yourself when you should be helping yourself? Let go of control and seek help, support, and encouragement along the way. Be it a group of friends, co-workers, a trainer you find at the gym, or your church congregation. SEEK people who will listen to you vent and let you open up. Figure out the why.  Then you can figure out how to move forward. People who have surgery to lose weight or take the newest pill, that think that it will fix all of their problems are so wrong.  If you don’t fix the why.  No matter how you lose weight, you will find away to hurt yourself.  

     When I was at my biggest. I got to the point where I just didn’t care about me at all.  I just wanted to help those who I loved, and if I slipped away from a heart attack, I was okay with that. At what point in life are you OKAY to die? That is where my head and heart were. Food was just a means to an end.  It wasn’t something I needed. It was something I wanted.  I wanted to just let go.  Looking back, I was taking care of everyone but me.  Yet, I was the most selfish person, because *I* wanted to let go and leave those who care about me with nothing. I was an active person who became stagnant and that was okay to me.  I am not okay with it anymore.  I want to play with my nephew and run around for hours tiring him and me out.  I want to summit mountains, hike, walk for hours, ride a bike, see the world, and not have any limitations because of my size.  I SEE the life I want and I understand I have to earn it back.  I had it, but *I* CHOSE to let it go for the latest TV show and fast food.  I don’t beat myself up when I make a mistake.  I just know I am accountable to the person I want to be tomorrow today. Every action I take today, is a choice that can change that future and the distance of it from now.  

Food Addiction?!

     YES! I was an addict of food.  When I was lonely I would find what is always there for me.  24 hour access to food.  That comforting feeling of being full.  That feeling of letting myself down, but KNOWING I will try to be better tomorrow.  Or that voice, oops–I messed up.  I’ll start my diet tomorrow again. I can just let go of a day.  Not any more though. Food is something that fuels me.  Now I think about my body and mind as a machine, that need specific nutrients to survive.  I don’t need cookies. I like them and can have one when I am super active in the gym and have burned enough calories to allow myself a snack.  Though now I prefer a good cold apple! (True story!) I still have moments in which I indulge and make mistakes. But rather then beat myself up for it.  I say I owe myself better.  No more mistakes and I have earned the right to eat right for 7 days without a mistake. I hold myself accountable to that.  It is HARD to do. The reward is even better. Celebrating a good week.  A true gift.  You have to change your lifestyle from counting on food to be there as your friend. To being just something you need on occasion.  It is a complete shift in your mindset. On top of that, you need to eat the right foods, and know what they are.  What are good and bad carbs? What are good and bad fats? When do you need carbs? Eat your veggies and fruits!!! Make that your new addiction.  

     Alright–I am a wordy girl, so I will leave with those questions answered and look to answer some more in the coming week!! Thank you all for reading, and let me know if you have questions.  Please comment to my posts if you agree, disagree, or even just want to share your story. 

 

     May God bless each of your journeys as He has mine! 

      Shannon 

      

Vacation and the Holidays

Well, it is time for me to blog again.  Strangely a few weeks ago I should say.  For those of you who follow I do apologize, I just came back from a very well needed vacation to Clearwater Beach, Florida.  I went to cheer on my friends who were walking the Susan G Komen Breast cancer 3Day.

I have been struggling to get back on track since coming back.  When you go on vacation you change your routine, it is hard to come back to your old routine.  For someone who is losing weight routine is essential.  Anything that changes what you do has a detrimental impact on your success. For example I eat at 7am 11am and at 4p, I work out at 7pm most of the time.  This is my routine.  If I eat late, I realize this really upsets my stomach or causes me to crave other foods.  Worse yet, want to jump to sugar.  If I miss a work out in the evenings I feel drained.  It is like my body is waiting for that jump in my activity level. When I don’t get it, my body complains.

So coming back from vacation was hard.  Every morning in Florida I would walk 3 to 5 miles on the beach in the water with resistance.  Well, I can’t do that in Colorado. I ate a lot in Florida, because I realized the Greek food there is A M A Z I N G.  That was a mistake to find out. But, I didn’t gain in Florida because of how active I was.  However, coming back I can’t eat as much as I don’t have the time to be as active as I was every day in Florida.

Now I am surrounded by sweets, candies, and well anything made with refined sugars.  What do I do?? I have heard the term maintain, but do not gain.  That’s what I did in Florida and I stole 3 weeks of my time to lose weight.  Do I do the same thing during the holidays? I have a friend who is giving up until January 1st, is that the right thing to do?

No–*I* finally see what I am working so hard for.  I see my path, my journey, my future before me.  I have everything I’ve ever wanted in my life RIGHT now.  I want to finish to keep the active life I have been earning, AND become more active. I can’t give away another 3 to 4 weeks hoping that I can finish in the new year.  That’s not enough for me.  I will finish next year.  2012 will be my year.  To stop worrying about finishing, and to start worrying about skin reduction surgery.  So no–Holidays–survival is not enough, victory is my only choice.  How I will I do it?! My friends–If you see me eating sugar call me out on it.  If you see me ask me what I ate today, it will hold me accountable to answer the question. Lastly, please don’t offer me your home baked goodies.  *I* KNOW they are the best, and they are tasty, but I just can’t.

Life is wonderful.  God is guiding my steps and I am so happy. I will blog again before Thanksgiving.  Thanks for your patience as I have been quiet–Any questions about what I have done or am doing, please email me TisShannon@gmail.com, comment on this page, or find me with that email address on facebook.

Questions Answered–

Today I asked for questions for me to answer on my Facebook page.  I received a few good questions so I will address that as my post today.

A great question from Delilah James-Did you ever mess up and gain some weight back? And if so, how did you handle it and get motivated again?

Wow, great question Delilah.  I have definitely messed up and gained weight back.  I’ve done it more than once.  I’ve done it numerous times on the small side (A few pounds).  I’ve also once did it on a large-scale, 25 pounds.   Let me address the small-scale, because I deal with it the most.  Let me talk to you about forgiveness.  I am human. I make mistakes.  I have days in which I just didn’t eat right.  I’ve had a week in which I just ate terribly.  Still worked out, and I gained 2 to 5 pounds.  HOW frustrating is that? Oh I get so angry at myself.. I get so mad.  I get to the point that I want to give up.. But, I know it is just a bad day/week/weigh in.  Now I can either hold this against myself, be angry, or forgive myself for making a mistake and owe myself better the following week.  I choose to forgive myself.  If I don’t, I can’t move forward.  That is the biggest lesson I have learned in weight loss. It should be the biggest lesson we all learn in life.  If we do not forgive ourselves (or others for that matter), we stagnant ourselves.  We literally get stuck in the mud, and we can’t move forward.

Now the big weight gain.  I had lost 200 pounds training and walking for the Breast Cancer 3Day.  Then walking the 2009 Turkey Trot at Washington Park in Denver I hurt my knee.  It hurt so bad, I was limping around for a good week.  Stubborn, as I am… I didn’t go to the doctor for 3 weeks.  I couldn’t walk, which is how I lost my weight in the first place. I got down.  My friends wanted to keep me walking, but I was in so much pain. HORRIBLE time to be hurt and unable to work out.  Right between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I ate everything.  I realized I was doing really bad, and I reached out to my friends.  I asked for help and I got what I was eating in order, and I stopped gaining weight. Now help was simply spending time with my friends just talking.  Talking over my frustrations. Just being open with them and letting them know what was going on.  I call my friends my clearing committee.  These are the people I trust the most. Who are always looking out for me.  I share with them everything about my weight loss.  They come back to me with BRUTAL honesty, and hard questions.  I love them all for it.  Just to throw my friends out there that have been there for over a year-Veronika, Bruce, Matt, Dusty, Darin, Sunshine, Yvie, Patti, Lisa, Steve, Fran, and Brad.  They keep me grounded in weight loss and they will not let me quit.  They call me out when I do stupid things and ask me to hold myself accountable.  Surrounding yourself with friends who are true to you and who look out for you is so important. So very important!! On top of that, you have to be willing to ask for help.  Which sometimes I struggle to do. Yet—-My friends always figure me out. I unfortunately have a disease called annoyingly happy and positive. When I am not, they know I need help.

How do I stay on track? I’m telling you, watch my you tube video. The second one.  Watch the ending, and look at the line of people who stand behind me. To this day I am shocked by the length of that line. It doesn’t shrink, it only grows.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pvh2v23JHqA  I am surrounded by people who believe in me.  Surround yourself with people who believe in you.  By the way, it starts with you believing in yourself first. I stay motivated because I need to save my life.  I need to help others to find the right way to lose weight too.  They HAVE to know it is possible.  It isn’t easy, it isn’t always pretty, it isn’t always weight loss. But each day you try, each day you work to change your life, you improve.  Your mind, your heart, your soul change.  WAY before your body does.  My life is so much better, and I can’t stop. My friends would chase me down too by the way. <Laughing>

From Christina Thoma-I can’t afford a personal trainer, so in lieu of that are there certain routines that you do…keep in mind I am just starting my journey and am not sure where to start other than making myself move EVERY day..

Christine–Would you believe me if I told you I didn’t have a trainer in the beginning?  I lost 200 pounds by myself, on my own, without anyone pushing me, encouraging me, beating me up.  This is true!  How you ask?  Walking an hour a day everyday.  If I sat down while walking, I stopped the clock.  Then when I stood up and started walking, I started counting the time again.  Christine-Weight loss isn’t about my trainer. HE HAS HELPED ME A TON learning about my self-confidence, and strength.  But, I did not have Matt initially.  I lost 200 lbs walking and eating right on my own.  I encourage you to keep moving EVERY day.  It works!!!!

From Dorrie Arnold-Good morning…question…sounds like you have wonderful places to eat healthy food…do you have any great healthy recipes to cook at home?

Aha–I knew I would get this someday!! I am a very busy lady.  I work full-time, I am a full-time grad student, I am studying the gospel (I should have put that first), I spend time with my niece and nephew, I am trying to date, I’m looking at opportunities to make my dream of helping people with their weight loss a reality…………. I’m busy so finding healthy places to eat was imperative.  I’m actually proud of some Colorado companies that do have nutritionally sound products.  (BIG thanks to Tokyo Joes!)  But healthy recipes? I am going to say this with a lot of love, YES I do have a ton of them..  Hmmm. A favorite–now I am transitioning to vegetarian-so I am going to say tofu, but you can use Chicken! Thanks to Whole Foods for having a version of my chicken recipe in Tofu. 🙂 I’m still learning, but it is YUMMY!!

Tofu Fajitas

Cooking the tofu, onions and peppers quickly over high heat ensures the pan juices evaporate quickly while caramelizing the veggies. Pair these fajitas with a salad or a side of brown rice and black beans.

Ingredients

1 pound extra-firm tofu
Juice of 1/2 a lime
1 tablespoon ground cumin
Salt to taste
Pinch of cayenne pepper
1 large red onion, thinly sliced
1/2 green bell pepper, cored, seeded and sliced
1/2 red bell pepper, cored, seeded and sliced
1 tablespoon expeller pressed canola or peanut oil, divided
4 large whole wheat, spelt or corn tortillas, warmed
1 avocado, peeled and diced (I’m allergic, so I don’t use this, but it is part of the recipe)
1/2 cup cilantro, chopped  (If you like it! I use it sparingly)
Salsa

Method

Firmly press tofu between layers of paper towels to remove as much liquid as possible, then cut into 2-inch x 1/2-inch strips and transfer to a wide, shallow dish. Mix lime juice, cumin, salt and cayenne in a small bowl and pour half of the mixture over the tofu. Toss gently to coat all over, cover and refrigerate for 20 minutes, or overnight. Put onions, peppers and remaining lime juice mixture into a large bowl, toss well, cover and refrigerate for 20 minutes, or overnight.

Heat 1/2 tablespoon of the oil in a large nonstick skillet over high heat. Add tofu and stir-fry until browned on all sides; transfer to a plate. Add remaining 1/2 tablespoon oil to skillet, add peppers and onions and stir-fry over high heat until browned and fragrant. Add tofu back to the skillet and mix to combine it with the peppers and onions.

Assemble Fajitas by filling each warm tortilla with the tofu mixture, avocados, cilantro and salsa. Serve immediately.

Nutrition

Per serving (about 10oz/291g-wt.): 390 calories (190 from fat), 21g total fat, 2.5g saturated fat, 0mg cholesterol, 470mg sodium, 34g total carbohydrate (9g dietary fiber, 4g sugar), 19g protein

Alright- My cousin got the last question–

Trevor Chope did the chicken come first or the egg?

Genesis 1:23-28   Chicken

Thanks everyone! Have a wonderful weekend!

The Cruelty of Success

I keep saying it.  The last four years now have been a blessing.  I have been lifted out of darkness and life is so beautiful now.  For a friend, I’m going to say this.  Life is *A*MAZING!

SO many people have said–Wow you look great.  You still are big. But, you look great.  What does that mean exactly? In my eyes I am so much smaller than what I once was.  I’m not 589 pounds anymore.  I’m NOT.. So how can I still be big?? I’ve lost well over 300 pounds.  How can I still be BIG? My inches are going down. The weight is going down.  The clothes sizes are going down.  I still wear big shirts to cover up.  Cover up what you ask? The cruelty of success-Loose skin.  SO let me warn you–It isn’t pretty!

I am so frustrated by it.  I work out, feel strong. My arms are solid.  I look at the body builders in the gym and look at their arms.  I smile knowing some of the ladies have NOTHING on me……. But, yet they are in their tank tops showing off what they have worked so hard for.  Yes I can show what I worked hard for via my shrinking self.  Can I show off my arms? I am so proud of how defined they are.  I am so proud of the muscle definition.  I’m so proud there is not an ounce of fat left in them.  Yet my friends–The skin. The loose skin is over whelming.  When I take off my shirt I see my well defined arms, yet I also see what looks to me like a coat.  We all have our worries with our bodies.  But what do you do when your bodies just don’t fit you anymore?

It is so frustrating.  I still am hiding every inch of me.  I want to feel good about all my work.  *I* DO!!!!! But, I want to *FEEL* good about it.  Now, I have been talking to so many people who have started their weight loss path and they are worried about loose skin.  I didn’t worry about it at first.  It hasn’t been until the last year that it bothers me so much.  I hate what I see when I see my body.  It is a constant reminder of the darkness I lived in.  It is a constant reminder of how much I hated myself.  Someone asked me last week if the weight loss is worth it? Strangely I asked myself that on Tuesday.  I am going to yell this (as loud as you can in a blog) IT IS WORTH EVERY OUNCE OF SWEAT.  My life is so much better now.  I can walk in the mountains.  I can hike (I will get stronger at it).  I am not trapped in my house waiting for night to come so I can go shopping without getting gawked at.  Okay I still get looked at to some degree, but I am so much stronger and more confident that I can go shopping whenever I want.

Everyone has body image issues. Loose skin for someone that was morbidly obese and is nearing normal is a brutal reality.  It is something people don’t talk about, because it isn’t pretty.  There is hope.  I know in my future I will find a way to have plastic surgery.  I know that I can show off my hard work then.  I will have scars.  To me they will be beautiful reminders of the light that was brought back into my life.  I love myself now, I love the people around me who confronted me in the first place, and I know they love me too.  Most importantly I know that God has loved me in the darkness and out of the darkness.  I see the light and the direction for my life .

Tonight–I see the strength in my arms.  I felt them too (OUCH, thanks Matt Ellison). I see the beauty of well defined arms.  Yet, I also see the loose skin.  It is apart of me. I am working out and changing daily. I am thankful for my journey, as it has taught me so much.  I see the beauty of the muscle, and I imagine the outline of what my arms will look like.  For now, I am stuck with a reminder of my past.  Again I want to make this clear, *I* DO NOT REGRET a moment of every day I have spent in the gym, every ounce of sweat that I have left on the floor, or out route at the 3Day, and every step I have taken to get stronger physically and mentally.

Tonight I celebrate the loose skin as a blessing NOT A CURSE.  It is something that will be removed.  It is temporary.  Tonight I celebrate the hard work. Thanks to my trainer Matt Ellison–When I met you my upper body was broken down, and I could barely lift much of anything. Now I see my strength, inside and out.  Thank you for your counsel.  So tonight I am going to show off my arms, and the reminder of where I was. This is the cruelty of success truly.  But also the vision of hope of how wonderful It WILL be soon enough.  If you are losing weight and wondering if the loose skin will be an issue?? WHO cares.  FINISH–GET STRONGER–LOVE YOURSELF–TRUST IN GOD–Believe that all things are possible.  When you finish, worry then.  But only then.

Am I? Or am I not shrinking?

Weight loss is—Important–

Weight loss is—Essential to live the life I want to live–

Weight loss is—The hardest thing I have done in my life–

Weight loss is FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!

I am 3 years into a journey that has taken me to new highs and new lows.  It pushes me to want to finish strong, yet finishing strong just seems so hard.  I am on track, I am working out, I am walking, and eating right more often than not.  So why is it so hard to see progress?

In weight loss you are focused on numbers.  Initially I weighed myself every other day. I measured myself every week.  I was so big.  I could never really see the changes.  It gets frustrating because you want to be done, you want to be seen for who you are becoming.  It took me 2 years to be able to see that I didn’t look like my original photo.  The games your mind plays on you.

I actually stopped weighing myself and just went to inches.  It is cool to say I used to be 72 inches around..(I was as wide as I am tall).  Now I am 49 inches at my widest.  I went to measuring because when you work out and give it all you have and either stay stagnant or only lose a pound it upsets you.  However, when you see you’ve lost a half an inch, well… THAT is a big deal!  I also started to take a facial picture every week.  I can scroll through those to see changes.  It gives me hope that I can and will get to and reach my goal.

So what is next for me? Patience.  I have to keep doing what I am doing. I can’t feel pushed to finish or pulled back into bad habits. I need to keep working towards finishing my goals.   I noticed in the last few days my thoughts constantly going to I just want to be done.  I don’t see enough change, I don’t see enough progress, I want more.. This morning I had to really refocus.  This is not about quick, this is not about short cuts, this is about losing a LOT of weight in a safe manner.  This is about losing a LOT of weight in a way that my body lets me.  I am not a victim of slow weight loss, I am at fault for allowing myself to get so big.  It will take time for me to turn around the damage that I did to myself. Do I always have patience? No I have every reason to want it to hurry up.  But in reality I am trapped in what my body will give me. Though—–I am learning patience and have been for 4 years.  I just wish I didn’t have to be so patient sometimes. <Laughing>

I wanted to mention an email I received from Derek in Canada.  He contacted me about what it will take to turn his life around.  I emailed him back, and was encouraged by his response.  He had a day off and felt so good about wanting to change he cleaned up his house.  You know, weight loss is also about caring about yourself again.  Caring about how you look, caring about your outward appearance and how people see you.  The more I lose, the more I notice I want my clothes to fit better, I want my hair to look better, I want to show off the work I am doing.  Derek, keep working on yourself. I know you can and will achieve your goals with time and patience!! Work on your own N.E.W.S.T.A.R.T.!

So–Am I shrinking? Is there a difference?? Am I doing it fast enough? Soon enough? Is it worth it?  You be my judge.

Me Now

589 Pounds