I just got reminded today of why it is so important for me to post. I know a lot of folks are following me, because they are in the same circumstance I was in. Some in the same place I am in now. God has given me a story to tell. I’m on this amazing journey in life and I am working to finish for my health and to get my life back. I want to answer a few emails that have been written to me over the last four weeks. I am doing it here, in case it reaches someone else who wants help or has the same questions.
A question on dealing with my family stress and weight loss—
I know my story is something that helps people. I have been honest along the way and I know you all want me to continue that. The last few months have been very difficult on me. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer. The stress and frustration has been quite overwhelming. Stress is an awful thing when trying to lose weight. The stress hormone your body puts out is called cortisol. What it does basically is cause you to retain your fat for energy, and it makes you feel tired and worn out. You just seem to struggle to lose weight. Yet you are super tired as well. I have been there, but I am finding my strength through God. He has given me so many friends that really believe in me and encourage me. When I falter, they seem to show up in usual ways.
I am lucky in that I hired (for just a few weeks HA!!) my trainer Matt Ellison a few years ago who has not let me quit and is pushing me harder at the gym, rather then backing down. I really believe that he has helped me to stay focused and on track, and I am so lucky to be able to work with him. I can’t thank him enough for just being a solid friend and being there for me when I feel like I can’t take on anymore. Physically I am stronger then I have been in my entire life. I surprise myself in the gym. I also surprise myself with the muscle tone. By the way–Matt is the answer to how I have been dealing with the stress. A person who is being honest with me. Yet he is also pushing me to finish *MY* goals while I also continue to help with my father.
A question on how bad really is the loose skin, does it frustrate and would I do it again–
Though I know I am strong. Though I know I am losing weight. The loose skin seems to get worse and worse week over week. Month over month. I can’t lie and say that it is alright, just a by product of success. It is an awful reminder of where I once was. I am completely frustrated by it. Sometimes you’ll find me pulling on my neck skin, it is awful how much is there. You can see my clavical as my shoulders are so strong. But you can also see the loose skin hanging on my neck. My arms are so much stronger now. Yet you see the skin hanging. My legs are very well defined, and have thinned out so much.. But yet you see the skin hanging down. My stomach–Oh buddy.. I really believe that the majority of the weight I have left to lose is right there. I know I still have work to do. I also know I am not as bad off as I was. Though the skin will have you believe I am still pretty big. TALK about frustration. I just want it to fall off like in those commercials. So people can see the REAL me. Not the one with skin hanging. It hurts me to see it, and feel judged for it. All I know is—-I wouldn’t change my journey. Not one step of it. I understand who I am. I am the REAL me. Skin removal will not change that. The skin will be taken off through surgery in the future. It is only temporary. But, the people who believe in me now, see me now, and get who I am now? They will be there when everything is said and done. They will see me help people and be forever apart of my journey.
A Question on easier ways to lose weight–
To lose weight you have to be patient, you have to understand your body can only give so much. It is SO frustrating because I want to move forward now and I would LOVE a quick fix. I want you all to learn the lesson that shines brightest in my life–the only thing that works is getting your head straight. Finding out WHY you allowed yourself to get so big? Why did you give up on you? Why do you constantly hurt yourself when you should be helping yourself? Let go of control and seek help, support, and encouragement along the way. Be it a group of friends, co-workers, a trainer you find at the gym, or your church congregation. SEEK people who will listen to you vent and let you open up. Figure out the why. Then you can figure out how to move forward. People who have surgery to lose weight or take the newest pill, that think that it will fix all of their problems are so wrong. If you don’t fix the why. No matter how you lose weight, you will find away to hurt yourself.
When I was at my biggest. I got to the point where I just didn’t care about me at all. I just wanted to help those who I loved, and if I slipped away from a heart attack, I was okay with that. At what point in life are you OKAY to die? That is where my head and heart were. Food was just a means to an end. It wasn’t something I needed. It was something I wanted. I wanted to just let go. Looking back, I was taking care of everyone but me. Yet, I was the most selfish person, because *I* wanted to let go and leave those who care about me with nothing. I was an active person who became stagnant and that was okay to me. I am not okay with it anymore. I want to play with my nephew and run around for hours tiring him and me out. I want to summit mountains, hike, walk for hours, ride a bike, see the world, and not have any limitations because of my size. I SEE the life I want and I understand I have to earn it back. I had it, but *I* CHOSE to let it go for the latest TV show and fast food. I don’t beat myself up when I make a mistake. I just know I am accountable to the person I want to be tomorrow today. Every action I take today, is a choice that can change that future and the distance of it from now.
YES! I was an addict of food. When I was lonely I would find what is always there for me. 24 hour access to food. That comforting feeling of being full. That feeling of letting myself down, but KNOWING I will try to be better tomorrow. Or that voice, oops–I messed up. I’ll start my diet tomorrow again. I can just let go of a day. Not any more though. Food is something that fuels me. Now I think about my body and mind as a machine, that need specific nutrients to survive. I don’t need cookies. I like them and can have one when I am super active in the gym and have burned enough calories to allow myself a snack. Though now I prefer a good cold apple! (True story!) I still have moments in which I indulge and make mistakes. But rather then beat myself up for it. I say I owe myself better. No more mistakes and I have earned the right to eat right for 7 days without a mistake. I hold myself accountable to that. It is HARD to do. The reward is even better. Celebrating a good week. A true gift. You have to change your lifestyle from counting on food to be there as your friend. To being just something you need on occasion. It is a complete shift in your mindset. On top of that, you need to eat the right foods, and know what they are. What are good and bad carbs? What are good and bad fats? When do you need carbs? Eat your veggies and fruits!!! Make that your new addiction.
Alright–I am a wordy girl, so I will leave with those questions answered and look to answer some more in the coming week!! Thank you all for reading, and let me know if you have questions. Please comment to my posts if you agree, disagree, or even just want to share your story.
May God bless each of your journeys as He has mine!